I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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