Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
