I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i out mim tonsoeep
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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