I got chris browned last night
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
