There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
