so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
