is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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