That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I believe in your delicious
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
