just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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