I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
