I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
