quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize