im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
