Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
