i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I lost the right to judge tonight
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
