Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
