Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
