You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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