wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
