He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
