That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
