get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
