they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dick very happy bro
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