i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
