And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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