You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize