Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
