let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
