i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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