You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
