I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
