I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
