Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
