You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
