Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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