Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
