Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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