I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize