the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
As shirtless as possible
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
