areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
