Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
