She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
