I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
