So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
