I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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