Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
