apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
