one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just high enough for therapy.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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