I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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