JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
