i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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