He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
