those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
