I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
