Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
