if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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