"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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