Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
