I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
