One girl and one boy is just not enough.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
