i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
