she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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