sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
