don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize