Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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