if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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