Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
