so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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