Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
