I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
