please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
