he told me I talked like a deaf person
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
