I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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