Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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