Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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