It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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