Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize