my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
