i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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