How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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