I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
