with your own penis?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish you could order shots online.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
