Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize