if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
