did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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