My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have fence marks all over my body
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
