So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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